


The Trouble with Guinea Pigs

by Gemilyca3



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Birthday Presents, Destiel - Freeform, Destiel Fluff, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Open Ending, guinea pigs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 02:57:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13941108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gemilyca3/pseuds/Gemilyca3
Summary: Cas has slowly been getting used to life in the Bunker with Dean. He has been enjoying trying various human customs; he likes watching TV and eating, but choosing a birthday might be the most fun... until his birthday presents get a little out of control.





	The Trouble with Guinea Pigs

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [ButIAmNotResponsible](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButIAmNotResponsible/pseuds/ButIAmNotResponsible) for being the (non-evil) Metatron to my God!

Castiel was awoken by mumbling coming from another room. As he opened his eyes, he realized he was in Dean’s bed, alone. He was only supposed to be meditating, but he must have dozed off – it happened occasionally. Usually, he got up with Dean, but he must have needed to recharge if he wasn’t pulled from his thoughts when Dean got up this morning. Castiel sat up on the bed. He was still getting used to this new, domestic life. He would have never expected to fall in love with a human and enjoy spending most of his days on earth, embracing a human lifestyle. Cas slid off the bed and pulled one of Dean’s old t-shirts over his head and some pajama pants over his boxers. Wiping the sleep from his eyes, Cas headed towards the kitchen and the voices.

Hearing footsteps, Dean looked up from his coffee to see Cas standing in the doorway, hair going every which way, stifling a yawn. Dean got up from the table and walked over to the coffee maker, pouring a fresh cup for the angel. He smiled and handed Cas the cup.

“Mornin’ sunshine!” Dean leaned over and kissed Cas on the cheek. A blush rose across his face when Dean remembered Sam was in the room, but he shrugged it off, realizing his younger brother was absorbed in the paper. Castiel leaned in again, pressing a kiss on Dean’s lips this time.

“Mmm,” Cas sighed. “Thank you, Dean.” The angel looked up at his hunter, unable to contain his grin. He took a sip of coffee and greeted the younger hunter. “Good morning, Sam.”

Sam looked up from the paper he was reading and smiled, “Morning, Cas.”

Dean walked back to the table, Cas following closely behind. The pair sat down next to each other and Dean handed Cas a section of the paper. While this was still a new feeling for Dean, he was starting to get used to this whole relationship thing. Sam had an annoying habit of always questioning whether Dean wanted more out of life than just one-night-stands and hunting monsters. _Not marriage or anything. But you know, maybe something more? Like with a hunter?_ Dean had been sure there was an underlying _or a trench coat wearing angel_ hidden in that question. It took a while for Dean to accept his feelings for Castiel, but a surprisingly short amount of time for the angel to reciprocate. A warm hand squeezed his, pulling the hunter out of his reverie. Dean looked up at Cas with a loving smile. 

Clearing his throat, Sam broke the silence. “So, um, Cas, Dean and I were thinking… You need a birthday!”

Cas cocked his head to the side, “Sam, I was not born, therefore I do not have a day of birth.”

Dean rolled his eyes and chuckled at the response. _Typical_. “Come on, man. It’s a human thing! If you’re going to be hanging around humans for the foreseeable future, you gotta have a birthday.” Secretly, or not so secretly as of late, Dean liked the thought of Cas staying around indefinitely. He was always a miserable son of a bitch when Cas had to go back to Heaven or run some holy errand. And things usually didn’t end well when Cas was spending too much time away from the hunters. Yes, Dean preferred to have Cas close by.

“Exactly,” Sam chimed in. “It’ll be fun. Just pick a day and we can have a cake and get you presents and stuff.”

The angel sat there, pondering the idea. He still wasn’t sure what the purpose of having a birthday might be, but was curious enough to play along and find out.

“Ok. I want my birthday to be the third Thursday of September.”

Sam snorted in his coffee and Dean let out a sigh of exasperation.

“No, man. That’s not… You pick a day – an actual date. Like March 29th or— or June 3rd.” The slight annoyance in Dean’s voice was drowned out by a chuckle. Cas was always spouting ridiculousness in his attempts to understand human intricacies. Dean looked up, seeing the confusion on Cas’ tilted face.

“But your Thanksgiving is based on the number of weeks in the month,” Cas pointed out. Why were there so many exceptions to the rules of humanity?

“Cas, why don’t you take some time and pick out a date–” Sam was abruptly cut off by Castiel.

“September 18th. My birthday is September 18th!”

“Wow! That soon? I guess you just can’t wait for your first birthday,” Sam joked.

 “That’s the day Dean and I met,” Cas explained as he turned towards Dan.  “The day I raised you from hell.”

Dean blushed as he squeezed the angel’s hand. Sam made gagging noises at the couple for being so cute and romantic. As much as he gave the two of them a hard time about finally getting together, Sam was incredibly happy for his brother. He knew Dean would be happier with someone, other than his brother, to keep him company. He also knew the angel was the perfect match.

“Shut up, Bitch!”

“Make me, Jerk.”

\---

“Come on, Cas! The next episode is about to start!” Dean yelled, far louder than was necessary, since Cas was already at the door. He entered slowly, carefully balancing a large bowl of popcorn and two beers—essential TV watching fare, he now knew.

It had been Cas’s own idea that he should learn more about human society if he was going to be living as a human in the bunker, and Dean had decided that the most important lesson was the intricacies of popular culture. They’d aired out Cas’ old bedroom, dragged in a couch, relocated Sam’s TV, and now had a dedicated home theater. Movie nights and relaxing in front of the TV had become regular occurrences in the bunker.

Today, they were watching an episode of Star Trek: The Original Series, which Castiel enjoyed for its idea of a harmonious future. Usually Sam joined them, but today he was “too cool” for Star Trek and wanted to focus on some research instead. Cas walked over and tapped Dean on the knee, handing him a beer. Dean grabbed the bottle and shifted on the couch, making room for Cas so he could nestle between his legs, and started the episode. Cas soon decided it was one of his favorites: Lieutenant Uhura bought a ball of fluff off a space trader and it ended up multiplying out of control. Dean’s hands gently rubbed up and down Cas’ side as they laid there peacefully.

“So, Cas, it’s your birthday in a couple days. What do you want to do to celebrate?” Dean shifted into a sitting position, pulling Cas up with him. Cas turned and looked at Dean, confusion lining his face.

“I… I don’t know. I’ve never experienced a birthday before. What does one normally do on their birthday?”

“Ok,” Dean thought for a moment. While it would be fun to throw a huge party and invite all their hunter friends, he didn’t think Cas would be that into it. “Let’s keep it simple. Just you, me, and Sam. I’ll make dinner, but only the stuff you pick off my plate while pretending you don’t eat.”

“Ok, Dean. That sounds nice.” Cas turned back around, wiggling himself back into his hunter’s embrace and turning his attention to the TV. Dean chuckled and kissed the top of his head, pulling Cas closer. The hunter thought to himself that he could get used to this life.

\---

A few days later found Dean in the kitchen, whipping up a fantastic birthday dinner for his angel boyfriend. He decided to make Castiel’s favorite foods, which just so happened to be his favorites as well. Coincidence? Dean didn’t think so. The thought of Cas picking favorite things because they were Dean’s favorite things brought a smile to his face.

“Dinner smells wonderful,” said Cas, wandering into the kitchen. It was true that he didn’t require sustenance as an Angel of the Lord, but he had learned how to suppress his grace slightly, which helped food taste more like food and less like molecules. So, on special occasions, Cas would actually eat instead of just watching as the brothers ate.

“Thanks! We’ve got burgers and fries, with pie for dessert.”

“Isn’t it traditional to have cake? Sam mentioned cake.”

“Well… yeah. But, I mean, pie is so much better! Plus, you love pie.”

Cas nodded in agreement. “Is there anything I can help with?” he asked.

“Nah,” Dean shook his head. “Why don’t you keep Sammy company in the war room and I’ll holler when the food is done.”

Cas exited the kitchen to find Sam while Dean continued to move about, putting the final touches on the meal.

Twenty minutes later, the burgers were done and the pie was cooling on top of the stove.

“Sammy! Cas!” Dean shouted across the bunker. He carried three plates full of food to the table, poking his head out of the kitchen, shouting again. “Dinner’s ready!”

“We’re coming, we’re coming,” Sam huffed as he and Cas entered the kitchen. “Dude, I’m still shocked every time you cook.”

“You forget, Sammy, I used to cook for you all the time when we were kids.”

“Ahh yes. The infamous marshmallow mac and cheese.”

“Shut up, man! You know you loved it! You said it was ‘exotic.’”

Sam laughed as he slid into a seat. Dean placed the last plate of food in front of Cas and pulled him in for a kiss before sitting down.

“Dude, I was eight! Anything that wasn’t from the gas-n-sip was ‘exotic’,” Sam teased before, in all seriousness, complimenting his brother. “These are delicious though; your culinary skills have definitely improved since our childhood.”

Dean beamed with pride. He was thrilled to have a working kitchen, to not be surviving on gas station hot dogs and junk food. They had never been in one place long enough to have a full, functioning kitchen and Dean was not going to let it go unused. The three men ate in relative silence— the sign of a good meal, Dean always thought. As the food slowly disappeared, Sam started talking about a potential case he found out in Indiana; bodies were turning up with their hearts missing. Classic werewolf case. They decided Sam would take care of it himself since he was feeling restless and needed some space from Dean and Cas and their budding relationship.

“Dinner was wonderful. Those were the best molecules I’ve ever tasted!” Cas smirked, proud of his wit, but Dean only gave a pity laugh.

“Haha, always the comedian.”

“Thank you, Dean, for the perfect evening.”

“Happy birthday, man,” Dean clapped Cas on the shoulder as he stood up and started to clear the dishes. “You guys ready for dessert?”

He came back from the kitchen with clean plates and the apple pie. He passed around the plates, then pulled out some candles and placed several of them around the pie before grabbing the lighter Sam was holding out for him.

“Aren’t the candles supposed to represent the number of years one has been alive for?” Cas tilted his head to the side, confused why there were so few candles since he had been alive for millennia. “I have been alive for far more years than that.”

“Yeah, but, I don’t think we can fit that many candles in this pie without risking the fire suppression system to activate in the bunker.” Dean could tell this explanation was barely cutting it. “Just think of them as one candle for every 100 years or so.”

This suggestion seemed to placate the angel. Dean explained to Cas that they were going to sing the traditional Happy Birthday song and then he was to blow out the candles and make a wish. Again, Sam and Dean had to explain the wishing and eventually gave an explanation that sufficed for Castiel. Dean lit the candles and he and Sam sang.

Once they were finished with their pie, Dean stood up at the table, clapping his hands together. “OK! Time for presents!”

Sam and Dean each brought out a couple of poorly wrapped boxes. It’s not like they had an abundance of wrapping paper around the bunker, so they had to make do. They placed the presents in front of Castiel, who noticed suspicious holes in the sides of two of the boxes. He also swore he could hear rustling noises coming from inside.

“Which one do I open first?” Cas asked.

Dean pushed one of the boxes with the holes forward. “Be careful with this one.”

Cas gently unwrapped the box and pulled off the lid.

“Dude!” Sam exclaimed as Cas held up a small, spotted guinea pig, a huge grin on his face.

“You got me a guinea pig, Dean!” Cas looked at his boyfriend with love in his eyes. Dean eyed Sam with confusion at his outburst, but all became clear when Cas opened the second box Sam had pushed towards him and pulled out a second guinea pig. The grin on Cas’ face was the biggest the hunters had ever seen.

“Haha, I guess great minds think alike!” Dean chuckled.

Cas opened the rest of the presents with haste. Sam, of course, thought of the practical accessories – a cage, food, wood chips, and a water bottle – while Dean had gone straight for the guinea pig toys and had gotten more than a little carried away. While Sam and Dean discussed how they got their guinea pigs without Cas or the other one finding out, Cas started setting up the cage for his new pets.

\---

A few days later, Dean walked into his room and found Cas crouching on the floor. There were woodchips everywhere, the guinea pigs were squeaking in a cardboard box on the nightstand, and all the toys were strewn about the room. Dean sighed at the mess. He took pride in keeping his room orderly and spotless. Castiel was not nearly as neat and Dean was slowly learning to cope, but today it was not coming easy. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Hey Cas, what’s up?”

Castiel turned around with a furrowed brow. “Are you asking literally or using the colloquialism?”

Dean chuckled and rolled his eyes, deciding to rephrase the question. “Whatcha doin’, Cas?”

“I am cleaning the cage. It was starting to produce an unpleasant odor,” Cas scrunched his nose as he remembered the smell that hit him as he walked into the room earlier. He was definitely going to have to develop a routine for cleaning the cage. Dean would not be pleased if their room was smelly. Cas understood that this was Dean’s personal space and was grateful to be allowed to share it. “I am almost finished. The mess will be cleaned shortly.”

Dean tiptoed around Cas, careful not to spread the mess further throughout the room. He sat there quietly, watching his boyfriend happily clean up after his pets. Dean was starting to understand why Cas offered to watch over Dean for so many years. If he had been feeling this way since the start, Cas must have enjoyed watching Dean perform mundane tasks. Dean secretly loved it; quietly observing Castiel’s fluid motions. He caught himself staring on more than one occasion.

Cas finally finished cleaning and the guinea pigs were back in their cage. Cas stood by the cage. Dean stood up from the bed and walked over. He slid his arms around Cas’ waist, pulling him close. Dean rested his chin on Castiel’s shoulder, turned, and placed a kiss on the angel’s cheek. “So… It’s been weeks and you haven’t given the pigs names yet”

“Dean,” Castiel turned around to face Dean, staying within his embrace. “I’ve already told you, they have names. I just can’t say them because the vocal cords in my vessel are not adapted to the same frequency as that of the guinea pigs.”

Dean put on his best puppy dog eyes. “Please give them names in the right frequency! Please! I’m sick of Sam calling them ‘Bean’ and ‘Dean.’” Castiel chuckled at the mention of Sam’s names for the guinea pigs. He thought it was funny but hadn’t realized that Dean didn’t like it. Dean continued to beg.

“Please,” the hunter was practically on his knees. “I don’t want a god damned guinea pig named after me!” Dean huffed out and heard Sam laughing from another room. “SHUT UP, SAMMY!”

At Dean’s incessant pleading, Cas decided to acquiesce. “Fine, Dean. I will try to think of names for the guinea pigs.” Cas tightened their embrace and pulled Dean’s lips to his in a heated kiss. “Only for you, Dean. Because I love you.”

Dean blushed. It was nice to hear those words spoken, after all these years. Yet, he still had a hard time accepting those words, from anyone, let alone his best friend. “Thanks, babe. I love you too.”

\---

Things had been quiet in the bunker for the last few weeks, and, as much as Dean loved his home, he was starting to get a little cabin fever. He wandered into the war room where he knew Cas and Sam were doing research, hoping that one of them had stumbled across a hunt.

“So, get this.” Sam didn’t even look up to acknowledge Dean’s entry, just stayed hunched over his laptop as he began to describe a potential case. “Three people were killed in Pittsburg, Pennsylvania. All three vics lived in the same apartment complex and all died within the last two weeks. Doors locked, no sign of forced entry.”

“We thinkin’ ghost?” Dean leaned over a chair. Cas walked over from the stacks and stood, arms crossed, behind Dean.

“Should be a simple salt and burn,” Sam confirmed.

“Awesome. I could use a good ghost hunt.” Dean stood up from the table. “Cas, you in?”

“Of course.”

“Alright, meet back here in twenty.” Dean turned around and clapped Cas on the shoulder before heading toward their room. “Then, we hit the road!”

It was a sixteen-hour drive to Pittsburg. Dean drove the whole way. He loved driving, loved the rev of Baby’s engine, the long stretches of road, rocking out to his favorite bands; he found it peaceful. Sam always offered to split the driving but Dean, more often than not, refused. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Sammy, but driving was his time and also… he didn’t quite trust Sam. The guy put an auxiliary jack into Dean’s Baby; he defiled her! Actions like that don’t get rewarded with driving privileges!

When they finally pulled into town, it was almost 6:00am. Sam directed Dean to the cheapest motel in town so they could get a few hours of shut-eye before donning their monkey suits and starting their investigation. Sam checked them into a double room while Dean and Cas unloaded the Impala. Sam came back with the room keys just as Cas pulled the last duffle out of the trunk. They entered the dark, dingy room and dropped their bags by the beds.

“Well, I’m going to get my four hours.” Dean quickly stripped down to his boxers and t-shirt, then collapsed onto one of the beds. He was almost asleep when he felt a dip in the bed and a warm body slid in next to his, a heavy arm draping across his body.

\---

Later that afternoon, after some well-deserved shut eye, the trio devised a plan; Sam would go to the library to do research on the history of the building while Dean and Cas would talk to the police and interrogate the witnesses. After they dropped Sam off, Dean and Cas headed to the police station to gather information about the killings.

It took some convincing, like it always did, but they ended up with copies of each police report and some insight from the overly friendly detective. Dean and Cas drove to the apartment complex to question the first witness; the downstairs neighbor of the second murder victim. According to the police report, she heard strange noises coming from upstairs the night of the murder.

“Good afternoon, ma’am. We’re with the FBI. I’m Agent Harrison, this is my partner, Agent Starr.” Dean held up his fake badge for the woman to inspect. He elbowed Cas to remind him to show his badge, too. The angel reached into his pocket for his badge but ended up pulling a ball of fluff out instead.

“Uhhh…” Dean looked over and groaned when he saw what was in Castiel’s hand.

“Apologies, Ma’am. I need a minute with my partner,” he said, grabbing Cas’s arm and dragging him towards the stairwell. “What the hell, man. Please tell me that’s not what I think it is.”

“It’s a baby guinea pig, Dean.”

“Damn it. How did this happen?” Dean looked up, seeing the woman staring at them from her doorway. He gave her a forced smile and a little wave, indicating they’ll be just a moment longer.

“Well, when a man loves a woman–“ The look Dean gave him shut Cas up immediately. He really was learning a lot from the Winchesters about sarcasm and sass, but this was not the time or place to demonstrate his newfound skills.

“I know HOW that happens. I’m asking why do _you_ have a baby guinea pig. Why do you have a baby guinea pig _in your pocket_?”

“It appears that the guinea pigs have been breeding, though I’m not sure how this one ended up in my pocket.”

“Of course, they have.” Dean sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. This can’t be his life. Questions raced through Dean’s head— did Cas know the guinea pigs were “breeding,” why didn’t he mention it before, how are they supposed to pull off being FBI Agents when one of them is housing tiny rodents in his pockets?

“Ok. Put that thing back in your pocket, get your badge, and we’re going to try this again.”

Cas put the tiny rodent carefully back in his pocket and followed Dean back to the witness.

“My apologies, ma’am.” Dean sighed and pulled out his badge again. “Like I was saying, we’re with the FBI and have a few questions to ask you about the other night. You told the police that you heard strange noises?”

“Of course, agents,” the woman hesitated for a few seconds, unsure of what transpired minutes ago. Eventually, she stood aside and gestured for them to enter. “Please, come in. Can I get you anything? Water, tea?”

Dean and Castiel entered the apartment, looking around for any signs of a haunting. “Uh, no. Thank you,” Dean replied as he made his way towards the couch where the woman was waiting.

“So, can you tell me about the other night?”

The woman shifted in her seat. Taking a deep breath, she told them about the noises she had heard. About the crashing and the screaming and how, by the time she had called 911, the noises stopped. When she finished, she buried her face in her hands, shaking. Cas awkwardly reached over and patted her on the shoulder. She looked up at him and Dean.

“I’m sorry. I mean, I barely knew the girl,” her voice was shaky as she spoke. “But it was so loud. I heard her dying and could do nothing about it.”

“Do you remember anything else out of the ordinary that evening? Cold spots, flickering lights?” Dean threw out their standard line of questioning. “Maybe a strange smell, like rotten eggs?”

“Um, yea,” she sniffled. Cas handed her a tissue. She took it and wiped at her eyes. “I thought maybe my heater was on the fritz. It got so cold that night, but only for a few minutes.”

Once they were satisfied with the information they received, Dean and Cas got up to leave. “Thank you for your time. We appreciate it.” Dean reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card, handing it to the woman. “If you remember anything else, don’t hesitate to call.”

When they got back to the Impala, Dean called Sam at the library. As he pulled out his phone, he turned to Cas and rolled his eyes. The angel had taken the guinea pig out of his pocket and was now holding it in his hands, petting it.

“So, definitely a ghost,” Dean spoke into the phone. “What did you find out about the building? Any violent deaths?”

_“As a matter of fact, yes.”_

“Hold on. Let me put you on speaker phone.” Dean pushed a button, then held the phone out so he and Cas could both hear Sam. “Ok. Shoot.”

_“About 10 years back, Anthony Brown was brutally murdered in his apartment. He was an accountant, 43 years old, loner. Kinda sad actually… His body wasn’t found for a while. The original landlord found the body. He was late on his rent and she went to collect it, smelled something funny, and called the cops.”_

Dean’s face morphed into one of slight disgust; he knew the smell of decomposition and he did not envy that landlord. “Ok. So. Do we know where he’s buried? And please don’t tell me he was cremated!”

_“We’re in luck, he was buried. Over at Homewood Cemetery.”_

“Perfect! So, what next?”

_“Go back to the motel, grab some dinner and some sleep, then head to the cemetery once it gets dark.”_

“Sounds like a plan. Be there in ten.” Dean hung up the phone without a goodbye.

\---

They pulled up to the motel, food in hand, ready for night to fall. Sam unloaded the food onto the table while Dean changed out of his suit and into his normal outfit of jeans and a t-shirt. He sat down next to Cas and started eating his burger.

Dean almost choked when he saw Cas steal a piece of lettuce from Sam’s salad when he wasn’t looking. Sam looked up and caught Cas, red handed, slipping the lettuce into his coat pocket.

“Cas! What the hell?” Sam shouted as Castiel pulled the baby guinea pig from his pocket. “Woah, man. What is that thing?”

“It’s a baby guinea pig, Sam,” there was a slight tone of annoyance in Castiel’s voice. “The guinea pigs are multiplying.”

“But, how—what— how—” The questions were getting jumbled in Sam’s head.

“Yea. I’m right there with you,” Dean stifled a laugh as Sam caught up.

“You know, I thought I noticed Bean getting fatter. Cas, did you know the guinea pigs were mating?”

“No.” Cas looked ashamed, like he should have sensed that the guinea pigs weren’t the same sex.

“Wait, you noticed something and you didn’t think to mention it?!” Dean shouted angrily.

“Well, maybe if you ever played with them, you would have noticed yourself!” Sam retorted.

“Wha—I do too play with them,” Dean’s voice rose an octave and he shifted in his seat.

“Dean, don’t you like them?” There was hurt in Cas’s voice.

“Of course. Of course I like them!” Dean tried to comfort Cas but was eyeing Sam angrily and mouthed _fix this_. The last thing Dean needed was his angel-boyfriend mad at him. Sam shrugged his shoulders in response and tried to change the subject back to the guinea pig pregnancy.

“How many babies can guinea pigs have? Where are you going to keep them all? Maybe I should do some research…” Sam started rambling questions and it was stressing Dean out. Now he had a grumpy boyfriend and a brother who wouldn’t shut up. Sam opened his mouth to ask yet another question but stopped when Dean held his hand up.

“Don’t. Dude, just— just stop asking questions.” Dean raked his hand through his hair. Sam looked at Dean, slightly confused. His brother had just told him to distract Cas, but apparently, this tactic wasn’t working.

“Can I hold it?” Sam hesitantly asked instead. He knew Cas could get possessive of things and wasn’t sure how the angel would react. He’d always been fine with Sam playing with the older guinea pigs, but this small one seemed to be bringing out some latent parental instincts, so Sam was pleasantly surprised when Cas passed along the baby guinea pig right away.

The three of them played with the tiny creature for the rest of the evening, in lieu of sleeping. It probably said something about their lives that the guinea pig was the most exciting part of the day, but the rest of the hunt went like clockwork. They got to the cemetery around 11:00pm, and located the grave, dug up the corpse and burned it all before 3:00am. They went back to the motel, got a few more hours of sleep before heading back to Kansas in the morning.

\---

When they got back to the bunker, Cas went into his and Dean’s room to put the baby guinea pig back with its parents only to make a startling discovery.

 “Dean!” Cas dragged out Dean’s name as he yelled alarmingly for his boyfriend.

“Cas!” There was panic in Dean’s voice as he sprinted through the halls. He almost crashed into Cas when he came tearing into their room, Sam following close behind. “Cas! Are you alright? What’s wrong!”

“Dean. We have a problem.”

Dean was fuming when he realized Castiel was in no immediate danger. Sam stood next to the angel, leaning over the box with the guinea pigs in it.

“Uh, Dean?” Sam cleared his throat to muffle a chuckle. “I think you better come see this.”

Rolling his eyes, the eldest Winchester crossed the room and peered into the box. When he realized what he was looking at he threw his head back with a sigh, running his hands through his hair.

“What the –“ The number of squeaking fluff balls in the cage had multiplied. Dean sighed, giving up trying to act surprised at his life. Really, of all the random crap that’s happened, a cage full of baby guinea pigs in the room he shares with his angel boyfriend is relatively mild.

“It seems that Pie and Bacon Cheeseburger have been breeding quite rapidly.”

“Excuse me?!” Dean must have misheard; there was no way Castiel named the guinea pigs after food.

“The guinea pigs. They’ve been mating; there are lots of baby guinea pigs,” Cas repeated his previous statement. He didn’t understand why Dean asked him to repeat it.

“Yea. I get that. What did you call them?”

“Oh. Pie and Bacon Cheeseburger,” Cas wrinkled his brow and looked at Dean with a straight face. “You asked me to name them. I thought you would like these names? They’re your favorite foods.”

“Or, you could always go back to Bean and Dean!” Sam was desperately trying to hold back laughter at the look on his brother’s face. He was obviously torn between two sets of awful names.

“No!” Dean said a little too enthusiastically. “Pie and Bacon Cheeseburger are good, Cas. I like—I like their new names.”

\---

Thankfully, they managed to get through their next hunt without any surprise rodent hitchhikers. A growing vamp nest in Grand Junction, CO had been no match for two seasoned hunters and an Angel of the Lord, and now Sam, Dean, and Cas were on the road home.

“You know,” Sam cleared his throat. “I was thinking, I could maybe use a little break for a few days.” Dean looked over at Sam in surprise. They’ve hardly ever taken breaks from hunting—at least, not when both of them were alive and kicking. “Eileen texted and–“

“Ah. So, this is about a girl!” Dean exclaimed. He couldn’t help teasing Sam; it was his duty as an older brother. Plus, it’s not like Sam didn’t give him a hard time about his relationship with Cas.

“Yes, Dean. I am an adult and am allowed to have a personal life. Just like you.” Sam feigned annoyance, but his smile betrayed him. “Anyways,” he continued. “I was thinking you could drop me off along the way back to the bunker? She’s got a cabin in Boulder. It’s only a twenty-minute detour.”

“Yeah. Sure, we can drop you off.” Dean wanted to be annoyed at Sam, but he was actually looking forward to some alone time with Cas. Hunting always got him a little riled up, but he mostly kept it in check since they shared the bunker with Sam. Dean didn’t want his brother to have even more ammunition for teasing him and Cas.

After the quick detour and a quicker hello, Cas and Dean pulled away from Eileen’s cabin. Cas had moved to the passenger’s seat now that Sam wasn’t with them. He respected the relationship between Sam and Dean and knew that Sam’s place was in the front seat. Cas didn’t mind the back seat most of the time; over the years, he had started to think of it as his space. Occasionally they would switch it up and Cas would take shotgun and Sam would ride in the back. But when it was just Cas and Dean, they would share the front and often Cas would rest his hand on Dean’s thigh or entwine their hands. Today, he could sense that Dean was antsy to get back to the bunker. They still had a six-hour drive and Cas was determined to make it torturous for his hunter. Cas spent most of the drive with his hand innocently resting on Dean’s thigh, occasionally rubbing his thumb across the coarse fabric of his jeans. Dean knew what Cas was trying to do and would give him suspicious glances whenever Cas’s hand moved. Once they were almost to the bunker, Cas started slowly inching his hand closer to Dean’s crotch.

Dean jerked the steering wheel in shock. “Dude! You trying to make me crash Baby?!” Once he got the car back under control, he swatted at Castiel’s hand. “Cus you sure as hell won’t be gettin’ any for a while if we crash!”

Cas smiled at Dean innocently but kept his hand firmly in place on the hunter’s leg. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Dean.”

Dean pressed on the accelerator; they needed to get back to the bunker ten minutes ago. Oh, the things this angel did to him. They pulled up to the bunker twenty minutes sooner than anticipated. Cas didn’t have time to open the door before Dean was there, dragging him out of the car. Dean shut the passenger’s side door, shoving Cas up against it before pulling him into a heated kiss.

“Is this what you wanted?” Dean whispered in the angel’s ear. “You just couldn’t wait until we got home? Hmmm.” Dean was kissing and nipping along Cas’s jaw.

“Dean,” Cas moaned in response. He leaned in to deepen the kiss, but Dean pulled back and grabbed Cas’s hand, guiding him towards the bunker, not even bothering to unload the car.

Once inside, Cas took control, returning the favor by pressing Dean against the front door. The angel’s hands roamed across Dean’s chest, feeling the firm muscles underneath the layers of clothes. He quickly pushed the jacket off Dean’s shoulders.

“These need to come off,” he growled as he fully removed the hunter’s outer layers. His hands continued to move across Dean’s body.

“Cas,” Dean was panting. “Cas, babe. I need you.”

Dean grabbed Cas’s face, bringing their lips together; he nipped and sucked at Cas’s bottom lip. Cas responded by parting his lips just enough for Dean’s tongue to start exploring his mouth. Damn, Dean never thought he would be in a committed relationship again, let alone with a guy, but there’s no way in hell he was going to give this up now. Soon, Dean was pushing Cas backwards through the bunker. They never broke contact as they made their way through the hall towards their bedroom.

Dean pushed him against their door and Cas let out a moan as he felt Dean’s thigh push against his arousal. They started grinding against each other, breath heavy, pupils dilated. Dean couldn’t take it anymore and slowly pushed Cas onto the bed. Dean saw Cas’s breath hitch as he watched Dean remove his t-shirt and jeans. Cas was resting up on his elbows staring at Dean, he still had that damn coat on, his tie was askew, and his hair was a mess; Dean thought there was nothing sexier than when his angel wanted him.

Dean moaned as he started to crawl on top of the disheveled angel. Cas scooted back on the bed to make room. As he crawled over Cas, the hunter dipped his head, going in for another kiss— when an inhuman shriek startled him, and his nose collided with the top of Cas’s head.

“Ow!” Dean groaned, pressing his hand to his nose. When he removed it, there was blood. “What the hell, man! Way to ruin the mood!”

“Dean, we’re not alone in the bed.”

“Excuse me?!” Dean was still trying to stop the bleeding from his nose.

Cas pulled back the covers of the bed to reveal a nest of baby guinea pigs.

“Son of a bitch!”

\---

“Dean! Cas!” Sam shouted for his brother and the angel when he got back to the bunker, Eileen in tow. “I’m back! You two better have clothes on.” There had been an incident a few months prior when Sam came back from a hunt early and didn’t properly announce himself. It took a gallon of brain bleach for Sam to recover and Dean didn’t look at his brother for a good two weeks. Now, Sam always announced himself, loudly, when he came home. Sam and Eileen walked into the kitchen where they found Cas with his fingers pressed against Dean’s forehead.

“Hello Sam, Eileen.” Cas signed hello as he spoke. Dean looked up and waved.

“Dude!” Sam was surprised to see Dean with an injury. “What happened?! Did you guys have, like, jungle sex all weekend or something?”

“Or something,” Dean said with annoyance. “We didn’t really get to the sex part. We were on the bed when–“

“Woah, woah. TMI dude.”

“The guinea pigs invaded the bed,” Cas finally chimed in. “I accidentally sat on them and then headbutted Dean in the nose.”

“How romantic,” Sam was holding back a laugh.

“I healed his nose when it happened, but he’s having phantom pains,” Cas said with a concerned look on his face.

“Phantom pains? That doesn’t sound good,” Sam was starting to worry about his brother. Cas’s healing had always been complete, so why was Dean still having pains? “Dude, don’t be such a wuss. You’ve had way worse. Take a shot of whisky or a couple aspirin and you’ll be fine.”

“You shut your cakehole.” Dean shook a finger at Sam before returning his hand to the bridge of his nose.

“They’re coming far more infrequently than a few days ago, but Dean, I still think you should go relax for a little. Maybe some sleep will help your head,” Cas suggested. “I’ll be there in a few minutes. I would like to catch up with Eileen for a bit.”

Dean grumbled but decided that Cas might be right, and he didn’t want Sam poking fun at him anymore. He left the kitchen and made his way to the bedroom. The bed was welcoming with its memory foam mattress and fluffy pillows, but he still made sure to do a sweep for guinea pigs before stripping down and climbing into bed. Sleep took him quicker than he would have liked. The next thing he knew, Cas was waking him up to see what he wanted to do for dinner.

“What?” Dean was disoriented. He squinted his eyes, recognizing his room and his boyfriend. “Cas? What’s going on? How long was I out for?”

“How’s your head?” Cas asked, ignoring Dean’s questions. “Sam and Eileen were wondering what we wanted to do for dinner. If you wanted to cook, we need to go to the store. Or we can get take out.”

Dean was sitting up in bed now, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Uh, no. Let’s cook something. You want burgers? I haven’t made those since your birthday.”

“Sure,” Cas placed a kiss on Dean’s lips. He loved how soft Dean looked when he woke up, despite being an angry sleeper. Dean smiled at the touch, returning the favor before getting off the bed. He threw his clothes back on and headed out to the kitchen.

“C’mon, Cas. Let’s go check in with Sammy and Eileen before we head to the store.”

\---

Dean and Cas made their way to the garage. When Dean opened the door to the Impala he shouted.

“Ok. This is the last straw!” Dean was livid. His Baby was filled with those furry little rodents. He was really regretting his choice in birthday presents for Cas. Something had to be done.

Cas was startled at the shouting coming from Dean but understood once he looked in the car. His eyes widened at the sight and he looked back at Dean, trying to put his best puppy dog eyes on.

“First of all, why have we not gotten them into separate cages yet?!” Dean wasn’t falling for Castiel’s feigned innocence.

“Dean, I can’t separate them! They’ve gotten so used to being together.” Cas’s face turned visibly upset at the thought of Pie and Bacon Cheeseburger not sharing a cage.

“We can keep their cages next to each other, and we can let them out to play together, but they have to be supervised! No more funny business.” Dean was getting flustered trying to pick up the guinea pigs. Every time he tried to grab one, it would scurry away. “I can’t handle anymore guinea pigs. Dude. They’re taking over the bunker! I need my space.”

Cas and Dean were eventually able to corral the guinea pigs in the car. Dean picked up an armful of them and walked back inside while Cas grabbed the remaining and followed.

“That was fast,” Sam joked as Dean and Cas passed the kitchen. _Damn guinea pigs,_ was all Sam heard in response. He and Eileen followed the other couple to their room.

“How did they even get to the garage?” Sam asked.  “It’s not like the bunker is small! I mean, I get they’re fast, but the garage is all the way on the other side! How did we not see them running in the halls?”

“I don’t friggin’ know.” Dean put the guinea pigs back in their cage, then grabbed Cas’s hand and stormed out of their room. “We’ll be back in twenty minutes with the food.”

When they got back from the store, Dean started on dinner. He got stuff for burgers, fries, even some salad mix for Sammy, and a store-bought cherry pie for dessert. Cas helped set the table for dinner while Dean did most of the cooking. The trip to the store had calmed Dean down a little from the guinea pig incident and Dean found cooking a calming experience. By the time dinner was ready and the group was eating, Dean’s anger had fully subsided. They were still going to need to talk about a solution to their guinea pig problem, though.

Dean didn’t bring the cage situation up again until later that night when they were getting ready for bed; Cas was putting his pajamas on while Dean pulled down the covers on the bed. He waited for Cas to come over before he started talking. 

“Listen, Cas,” Dean said as he crawled into bed. “We need to figure out something with the guinea pigs.”

Cas sat on the edge of the bed. He knew Dean was right, but he didn’t want to get rid of them or keep them in separate cages. He felt Dean’s arms wrap around his waist, pulling him into the bed. Cas sighed as he pressed his back against Dean’s chest.

“I know,” Cas finally spoke. “I was thinking, maybe we could find some good homes for the babies. But I’m not getting rid of Pie and Bacon Cheeseburger.”

“I know. Of course you can keep them, but we’re going to have to keep them in separate cages from now on,” Dean insisted, pressing kisses to Cas’s neck to soften his words. “We can’t keep having litters of guinea pigs.”

“About that,” Cas started. “I don’t know why I didn’t think of this sooner, but I think I can use my grace to prevent the guinea pigs from successfully reproducing again.”

“Really? Awesome. That’s half the problem solved.” Dean’s hands started wandering down Cas’s chest as he gazed at his angel with lustful eyes. “What do you say we finish this conversation in the morning?”

\---

Dean woke up early the next morning to an empty bed. While it was not unusual, Dean still didn’t like waking up alone. Dean padded into the kitchen thinking he’d find Cas there, but it was empty. He made a pot of coffee before searching the rest of the bunker. He found Cas laying on the couch, watching TV in the other room. When Cas saw Dean enter the room with two cups of coffee, he sat up to make some room. Dean passed a cup to Cas, leaning in to sneak a kiss as well.

“Good morning,” Cas said as he took a sip of coffee. “Thank you for the coffee.”

“You’re welcome, babe.” Dean sat back on the couch and put his arm around his boyfriend. “What are we watching this morning?”

Before Cas can answer, the commercials ended and the show came back on.

“Really, Cas? Jenny Jones? You’re watching crap TV again?” Dean shook his head and sighed. He thought he was teaching Cas better than this. “Come on, man. We’ve talked about this.”

“Well, that’s what I got up early for. I know you don’t like these shows. We can watch something else now if you want.”

Dean thought for a moment before responding. “How ‘bout we go make some breakfast?”

Cas got up from the couch, reaching out to pull Dean up with him. When they reached the kitchen, Sam was already making breakfast.

“Mmmm. Smells good in here,” Dean inhaled deeply when he entered the room.

“Good morning, Sam,” Cas greeted the younger hunter. “Where’s Eileen?”

“Oh, she had to leave early this morning. Another friend needed help on a case.” Sam looked disappointed. He had enjoyed having company other than his brother and the angel, but also understood the call of the hunt.

“Breakfast is served!” Sam put two plates of heaping eggs, bacon, and potatoes on the table, then sat down. Dean and Cas slid into seats opposite him. Dean immediately started shoveling food into his mouth while Cas picked at a piece of bacon on Dean’s plate.

“Dude! Wanna slow down there?” Sam scolded Dean’s childish eating habits.

“Nope,” Dean said with a mouthful of food, a strip of bacon dangling from his lips.

Sam rolled his eyes and shook his head. If even after 35 years Dean hadn’t learned manners, Sam doubted he ever would.

“So, did you two figure out the guinea pig situation?” Sam asked. He was hesitant to bring up the topic, but was genuinely curious about how they were going to deal with ten guinea pigs.

“We decided to give the babies away to good homes,” Cas answered. “I thought we could take them to the park this afternoon.”

“That’s great. You also going to stop at the pet store and get another cage, too?”

“Nah.” Dean said through his third helping of eggs. “Cas said he can mojo the pigs. Won’t need to worry about any more babies.”

“Oh wow!”

Dean nodded in agreement with Sam. It was one of the many perks of having an angel around.

The two of them went to the park later that day, guinea pigs in a small box, and a sign saying “Free Guinea Pigs.” The afternoon started off a little rocky because Cas was being incredibly discerning about who was worthy to take one of the guinea pigs. There was a frazzled man with a bratty daughter whom Cas refused to give a guinea pig to, on the grounds that “you can’t keep trying to buy your daughter’s love with extravagant gifts.” Dean gave him an earful for that one – “if the man wants one of the pigs, just give him one of the damn pigs!” After that, though, Dean stopped piping up. He did not want another experience of the glare Cas had given him; Dean was sure he would end up sleeping on the couch if he kept it up. There was an elderly woman who Cas insisted take one because he could tell she was lonely. She revealed that her husband had recently passed and was grateful for the gesture. One woman insisted on paying them $5 for a guinea pig for her son’s birthday. Cas repeatedly tried to get her to take one for free; he could tell she didn’t have extra money, but also that she had too much pride for charity, so in the end Cas reluctantly accepted the money.

By the time most of the guinea pigs were gone, Dean was getting tired and hungry. This afternoon was dragging on much longer than expected due to Cas’s selectiveness with potential owners. Dean wanted to stay longer, to be a supportive boyfriend, but the boredom was getting to him. He decided to walk the 2 miles back to the bunker and leave the Impala with Cas who promised to be quick about getting rid of the last few guinea pigs.

A few hours later, Dean was laying on the bed, reading. He heard the door to the bunker open – Cas was back. Dean was about to get up when he heard Cas and Sam talking in the hallway, but he must have misheard. He could have sworn Cas said something about beer. Dean poked his head into the hallway to investigate. Cas’s back was towards him so Dean remained un-noticed by his boyfriend.

“You named her Beer?” Sam asked. So, Dean wasn’t going crazy. “You’ve really got a theme going with these names.”

“Cas,” Dean finally spoke up. Cas turned to him, startled and Sam laughed before turning back towards the library – he was not going to get in the middle of this domestic squabble. “Cas, I thought we agreed to get rid of all the babies!”

“I did, Dean.” Cas had a huge smile on his face as he walked into their room holding something in his arms. “I traded with a little girl for one of her kittens. Her name is Beer!”

Cas presented Dean with a tiny orange fluff ball. Dean was about to argue with Cas that they were supposed to be done with more pets when he was overcome with several sneezes.

“Son of a bitch!”


End file.
